Thursday, 14 March 2013

A QUESTION FOR ALL

 
 
I am fairly new to blogging and have enjoyed reading everyone else's  March question and answer
sessions. Yes , ok, I am basically a nosy person but hey, no one is perfect are they? My question is to anyone who wants to answer it ( and I am hoping someone will!). It concerns obedience. When I read the blogs, it seems to me that the majority of us are long married or at least in long term relationships so I would like to know how you feel about this:
  Remember when we were all innocent (some more than others I think) little chicks scrabbling round in the farmyard of life ,
 
 
 
We were all looking for our very own one of these:

 
 
What happened I want to know when you hooked your wonderful , charming rooster and you dragged him up that aisle. During that most important ceremony did you say love ,honour and OBEY?
 I bet lots of us didn't say that magic word, I know I didn't ( the vicar advised me against it, said "it wasn't really done these days" , and that was over thirty years ago I might add!! I cherished him instead :)
I am sure that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. most of us have happily enough got to this
Also how many of us if we were getting married now to those same men and living how we do would say it now. I would, and be proud to, no matter what anyone said. I may not obey all the time but I'd like to think I try to and that in my mind I am happy to. What about you?
 
 
TO OBEY OR NOT TO OBEY?
That is the question. 
Hope you are all happy and well, love Jan.xxx 
 
 
 


25 comments:

  1. I was married nearly ten years ago and we weren't married in a church. We simply said to each other.
    I take my friend..... to be my husband / wife promising through divine assistance to be a loving and faithful husband / wife as long as we both on earth shall live.
    That was it. Nobody else married us, we married ourselves in front of witnesses.
    I may not have said obey but it doesn't mean I haven't got it in my mind. I'd feel really bad if I was to disobey him even if I thought it was justifiable; it means something has gone wrong with us. Hopefully we communicate enough I can avoid being wilful. We're not in a DD type relationship so I can't comment on obediance from the perspective of having my husband controlling my life.
    On a more general note, I can't remember any wedding I went to where obey was part of the vows.
    DF

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    1. Hi DF, that is so lovely, It must have been such a special day. It's always in my mind. We do live a dd lifestyle but I can honestly say he does not control me. We work together really, I am not a lot of trouble, ahem only a little bit LOL . I wish I had said it though and would if I had the chance to do it again, love Jan.xx

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  2. I cherished him then and I cherish him now. Just as he did me.

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  3. Hi Jan. I did not say obey all those years ago but I would today if we were to ever renew our vows. (Not something we are planning to do.) Like many I was against the idea of obeying and having the man be the head just because he is the man. Today I feel that although we are in this together we both need someone who is steering the ship and we have both agreed that it is him. If we are going to get anywhere that means I let him be in control and obey what he says. Not always fun or easy but effective.

    We really do try to work together most of the time and consult each other about things so truthfully we haven't had too many instances where I disagreed with him but this dynamic allows us to forestal arguments when this happens. I give him the power and the right to make the final decision and I obey his decision. Maybe not politically correct now or then but we are loving it in our lives. Hope that helps.

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    1. Hi Zoe, It sounds as if you have got this lifestyle down pat. I think the vicar implied I would be odd if I said obey, but actually even all those years ago (32 soon) I would have liked to , I just was not brave enough to stand out. Now though I am and would love the chance to tell the world:). love Jan.xx

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  4. I didn't say it then and you know what? If we renewed our vows, I wouldn't say it now. Does that surprise you?

    I do try to follow my husband's lead, yes, obey, if you like. But to me, it isn't necessary to be included in our vows. It's a part of our ever growing and changing relationship.

    And who knows, if he became ill or embroiled in sin or something else just as awful as either of those, I may not be able to obey him anymore, it might not be safe for me to do so. I could still love, honor and cherish him though...or I'd certainly try my best.

    That's just my opinion. *shrug* And it's certainly an interesting question. ;)

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    1. Hi Grace, I am not sure if I am suprised but I suppose I did think that of all of us you maybe would have said it. I don't think you have too many worries on him getting embroiled in sin, he is a good man who loves you loads, keep on cherishing , lets hope we are all as close as you two, love Jan.xx

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    2. No, I don't think I have to worry about Michael getting embroiled in sin. That said, none of us are impervious. Something that starts out innocent can end up someplace else in an awful hurry if you don't have strong boundaries in place.

      Another thought I had is that if I've promised to honor my husband, then obeying him is simple a way I can honor him, no? ;)

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    3. *simply, not simple (I should really remember to proofread, lol)

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    4. Yes Grace you are right. Btw I loved your post even though the title scared me half to death...Jan x

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  5. Interesting question Jan. Not sure how to answer this one but sure gave me something to think about.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, there is always lots to think about with this life style isn't there. Where are all the answers thats the real question? love Jan.xx

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  6. Wow, great question.
    I absolutely refused POINT BLANK to say 'obey'. That was 20 years ago.And Peter was fine with that.

    Today ? Yep, I think I would include it (we have discussed this, funnily enough)

    I've changed. We've changed. When we were married I was dead set on my career...it caused some friction...then I mellowed as kids came along...but still got frustrated from time to time with what I perceived to be Peter's 'freedom' in this regard.

    Things are so much more settled since DD. I suggested it. But he took to it like a duck to water.And all in all it has brought about a peacefulness.

    Sarah,LD,UK

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    1. Hi Sarah, you naughty girl, fancy refusing to say the magic word. Poor Peter , he should have known he was going to have his hands full. We too feel much more togetherness since ttwd came pottering into our lives. Lets hope that we can be obedient girls for our long suffering husbands ( at least for a little while) love jan.xx

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  7. We did not have "obey" in our vows and lol Jan...I don't even remember what we had instead. It may have been cherish. I was so overwhelmed and lovesick in that moment that I think I would have said just about anything that the minister told me to repeat.

    This is just off the top of my head, but if we were ever to renew our vows, I think we would write our own. I'm not sure what we'd include but I think they'd be much more personal and while not spelling out our dynamic fully, would likely show deference to him as leader and me as follower. Just a guess.

    Fun question Jan! Thanks.

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    1. Hi Susie, that is so sweet, bless you. I think it is a brilliant idea to write your own. I don't suppose that anyone has written vows specially for our lifestyle!! love Jan.xx

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  8. Hi Jan,
    I cherished him, still do. Grace made a good point about how honoring our husbands will get us to the same place. I chose a man who I trust to lead us. He hasn't lead us astray yet.
    Bea

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    1. Hi Bea,
      I cherished my hubby too and like you I still do, Grace always make good points, we are lucky to have her , love Jan.xx

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  9. We have been married almost 14 years...we wrote our own vows...to include loving and honoring and cherishing...and today I would share those same vows. There are times when when he leads and I follow and there are other times I lead and he follows but mostly we walk side by side together. There is no need for the words "obey" as we do that for each other out of love and respect for one another. A very interesting question. :-) Also, I noticed in one of your comments somewhere that you taught dance...so I wanted to say hello to a fellow dance teacher. :-)

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  10. Hi there, what sort of dance do you teach. I teach ballroom and latin american, am just off to do seven hours teaching kids, got to love our job (or it would kill us!!lol)love Jan.xx

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  11. I said it, and the whole brides side of the room giggled. It was like a wave! He winked at me and I smirked at him. I sure didn't plan on actually DOING it..

    Fast forward. Now of course I try, and if I don't obey I get spanked. It's very motivating, but I get rebellious sometimes. I keep him on his toes and he does the same.

    I think obedience is very much a challenge for me, but a necessary one.

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  12. Wow Stormy, that is so cool, I so wish I had said it. you go girl, Love Jan. xx
    P.S. I love your blog,

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  13. Ah yes, well...I refused to say "Obey". It's a bit ironic now lol. If we ever renew our vows, I can pretty much guarantee that it will be in there somewhere.

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    1. hi Lil, it would be in there somewhere for ALL of us now wouldn't it?, love
      Jan.xx

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