Monday, 22 April 2013

Treading on Eggshells.

Hi everyone, Before you read this post I will just warn you that it is one big moan, so if you don't want to bother, feel free to find a jollier post like Cat's. Quite frankly I would if I were you. :(

 This week has been pretty horrible. I have read all your blogs, but forgive me I couldn't comment. To be honest I didn't feel like it. Sorry, I know that is rude but I don't feel at all well. I have an ongoing illness, nothing deadly, just something that is never going to go away. At the moment I am in a big flare up, my medication has been upped to the maximum dose. This is the third time of a dosage increase and each time the weight goes piling on. I am crying just writing that sentence and my heart is beating faster with panic.
Over the last three weeks  my poor beloved husband has had to put up with these three distinct personalities:
 crying cat, (this little girl  seems to be the most in attendance actually)  and then now and again:
 
 and very occasionally:
 
Ttwd has not exactly disappeared, We are stronger than that but I can't cope, my job is so physical I am wondering how much longer I can do it. I feel like I have aged 10  years in 6 months. Tomorrow is our special day together, our weekend as we both work every weekend and it's also reassurance spanking day. I really want to carry on as normal but how can I expect my husband to spank me.( At least I will reach the crying stage before he needs to get the bleeping paddle out.)
 
 Who knows which cat he is going to wake up next tomorrow? I have no idea:((. Bless him he is treading on these:
 
On Wednesday we will have been married for 31 years,  he is everything to me and I hope that he will find the strength to get me through this because I can't do it on my own. 
 
Thanks for reading if you got this far, I just needed to vent
 
 Also a big thankyou to Ami Starsong who has listened to my constant whinging on the phone and still wants to meet me!!
 
 
lots of love
 
Jan.xx

 

36 comments:

  1. Sorry you're feeling under the weather. I hope the third cat picture is more prevalent soon. Happy anniversary too!

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    1. Thankyou very much, all these comments have made me smile
      Love Jan.xx

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  2. Hi Jan,
    I am sorry you have not been feeling well and I hope that even if the illness stays that you find ways that deal with it in such a way that you can live your life and do what makes you happy. Vent away any time you have need. Hugs, Terpsichore

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    1. Hi Terps, I must admit dancing is not much fun at the minute, Love
      Jan.xx

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  3. Oh boy. I'm sorry you have to deal with all the emotional ups and downs. And it can't be easy having an illness that requires medication that causes weight gain. I hope you have a wonderful week and a great anniversary. ((hugs))

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    1. I am getting fatter and fatter :(((. Never mind there are plenty of people worse off
      love Jan.xx

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  4. Hi Jan, sorry to hear that you are experiencing a flare and needing to take meds with unwanted side effects! Not fun at all. Hopefully they will do their thing swiftly and you can taper off of them soon. I will send warm thoughts your way to the same. I hope that you do feel well enough to do some anniversary celebrating with your hubby! Hugs!

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie, welcome, I do hope that I can decrease the dose later, we have been celebrating today:)
      love Jan.xx

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  5. Vent away ! The blog is for you, remember. Nothing can run swimmingly well when you feel unwell.Particularly when you are anxious it is flaring up without reason.I'm sure he'll be kind and just be kind on yourself too.Why not simply rest plenty on your day off and go with the flow....no expectations/agenda...nothing Sarah,LD,UK

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    1. Hi Sarah, He is always kind to me, I've got away with murder this week, ad a bit of a reckoning this morning though:)
      love Jan.xx

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  6. Just give yourself some TLC. Chronic issues can take it's toll on even the happiest of people. Just do what makes sense and enjoy your anniversary whatever way makes you both happy.

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    1. Hi Minelle, I am usually fairly happy so maybe that is why this has hit me hard at the moment, I can't shrug it off as I normally would
      love Jan.xx

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  7. Oh Happy Anniversary Jan! Sorry you are feel poorly. Never feel like you can't vent here. If you can't vent here than where? I hope your day off is relaxing and you get to celebrate together. Take care.

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    1. Thanks Zoe, am a bit better today, we have had a couple of peaceful days together,
      Love Jan.xx

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  8. Happy Anniversary early, and I hope you soon find some relief from your flare.

    (((hugs)))

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  9. Jan, vent away sweetie, that is what the blog is for, and we are here to offer support.

    I am so sorry you are experiencing a flare and the associated emotional ups and downs and hope things even out soon.

    Happy Anniversary! I hope you have a wonderful day.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, venting has been in full force this week, thanks for your good wishes
      love Jan.xx

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  10. Its good to get all your venting out here on your blog :) I find it very therapeutic when I do.

    I'm having difficulty reading your posts because of the text colour. Is it possible to make it a little more contrasting?

    Hugs
    Callie

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    1. Hi Callie, I think this is better, hubby had to help me, my computer skills are seriously lacking!
      Love Jan.xx

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  11. Awww Jan...This is your blog to do with as you will...vent away darlin'! Chronic illness sucks and I am so sorry you are experiencing a flare up. Be kind to yourself. Wishing you a wonderful anniversary!

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy your way.

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, I think I panic because each time it flares up it stays bad, it never seems to improve:((. Thanks for your prayers, hope your mum is better,
      Love Jan.xx

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  12. Of course we kept reading! Please don't feel that you have to edit yourself out of a post. I hope that your anniversary gift is strength.
    Bea

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    1. Bless you for plugging away with my misery. Actually my anniversary gift was a watch:)
      love Jan.xx

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  13. I'm sorry you aren't happy in your own skin Jan. That is so difficult to try to deal with. Like the others said, vent away. Reach out further to others if you wish. This community is all about support. Sometimes just writing things out takes a bit of the sting away, for a short time anyway. I hope this was the case for you.

    As for not commenting. Pah...read away if it makes you happy, but never feel pressure to comment.

    love, willie

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    1. Hi Willie, On a general basis I am happy soul, it's just sometimes the whole never going away chronic pain thing just gets a bit too much, everyone has been so kind,
      love Jan.xx

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  14. Hang in there Jan! These dumb aging bodies that do crazy things and need medication and well GRRRRR. I know all about it and I don't like when mine starts doing something different and it begins to scare me. Try to relax today and just go with the flow. He's in charge, he wants to take care of you no matter which mood you woke up in.

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    1. Hi Susie, I have been getting steadily worse for the last few years, mostly I do just plod on , I reckon my age has caught up with me good and proper. We talked last night as I felt that he was letting things slide and he felt that he couldn't do anything while I was so poorly. Having let him know that actually I felt worse about that, The paddle put in a brief appearance this morning. Yep he is in charge.
      Love Jan.xx

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  15. That's what friends are for. To listen both good and bad. Sorry you are not feeling well and I hope this new med will help you w/o adding too many pounds.

    Happy Anniversary - thirty one years deserves a special congratulations.

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    1. Hi Sunny, Hubby is fond of saying that he would have escaped prison after committing murder after all those years. Think he is only joking:))

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  16. See Jan, I told you you had a lot of friends! What brilliant, wonderful comments! I sooooo hope they made you feel good!

    At least we now have the sun shining! I hope it keeps improving because I think we have all had enough of the winter this side of the Atlantic. And several of us are fighting the weight one way or another - relax, it'll go when it goes!

    Many hugs and sunshiny energy,

    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami, I was so touched when I read all of the comments, my new friends are wonderful and yes I do feel better today
      love Jan.xx

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  17. Jan,

    Sorry you aren't feeling well. Don't stress on the weight thing. Hang in there.

    Happy Anniversary for tomorrow. Have a wonderful day.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie, thanks a lot, today has been good and I was excited to see your blog today!!
      love Jan.xx

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  18. Oh Jan, I am so sorry to hear that you have been feeling poorly.

    We are all here for you, sweetie. And btw, I always thought you were closer to ;ate 30's, my goodness! I just re-read your bio and you have been married for 31 years! You are youthful even in your writing, and an inspiration to all of us.

    So glad to hear that the two of you are working through all of this, even when you are feeling like Grumpy Cat. Who wouldn't? Your husband is a good man, supporting a wonderful woman.

    Elisa Xo

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  19. Oh Elisa, I am actually nearly 54, and I wouldn't want to go back to my thirties, life is much better now. Hubby is great, everything to me really.
    love Jan.xx

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