I hope no one will be offended by this post. Please can I assure everyone it is not aimed at any one. It is just a very general observation made over the last year whilst reading various blogs. To be honest I generally only return to these bloggers sporadically as I often find myself getting frustrated and in fear of saying the wrong thing. Often ( not always) these wives are fairly young and have often got small children. I do know I am generalising but I am saying what I see.
ALL of us start out like this
Marriage is jolly hard work and along the way we all without exception encounter problems. Pressure from outside, work, family, everything really. Sometimes, not always, children come charging along. This is very often when couples start to drift apart.
At this point every woman, ( lets face it we are the doers) looks for a solution and hey presto there it is in front of our faces, floating around in cyberspace or in a book the magic of DD. Now sometimes this takes a long time. A lot of very happy bloggers have been married forever, happily too and are looking for a bit of spice. Some howeve start looking quicker. We all however get to the internet eventually!!
Sometimes, this IS the magic solution but NEVER without a lot of soul searching, hard work and commitment. The thing is , and finally I am getting to my point, yes I know I talk a lot, ( at least you are only reading, feel sorry for John he has to listen to me for hours on end!).
SOMETIMES YOU SIMPLY CANNOT CHANGE YOUR MAN. IF HE IS NOT INTERESTED IN BEING A HOH AND TAKING YOU IN HAND THEN HOW CAN YOU EXPECT HIM TOO?
Basically we knew what our husbands were like when we married them and putting one of these in his hand
is not going to fix your lives no matter how much you want it to.
Often when I read the blogs I notice that the happier wives are the older ones.
Do we have lower standards?NO.
Do we want to improve our marriages? YES
BUT, maybe we have grown older and perhaps a bit wiser. I think maybe we come to ACCEPTANCE quicker I know my husband is not the most dominant man in Blogland, but I knew what he was like when I married him. I loved him then and I love him now and perhaps with our age and over thirty years of marriage has come a greater awareness of each other. We have weathered our storms, or at least a good few of them. Our children are grown and we have space to play. I will never know how any one can do ttwd when there are children about. I definitely make too much noise.
So what I would like to say to young marrieds who are struggling with dd. Please give yourselves a chance to play. Enjoy life alongside ttwd. You don't need micro managing. You need to be kind to each other, respect each other and COMPROMISE. And maybe get spanked along the way :)) sometimes for fun and if hubby is willing sometimes not for fun :(. I think constantly wanting what you can't have must be so draining and no one is going to be happy are they?
We all have to remember who we married and why we married them. Surely then with a bit of communication and hard work the happiness we seek will be within our grasp.
Hopefully then you will make it to this
My greatest wish for 2014 is that we all, young and old, find some measure of success in ttwd. Maybe all get that bit further than we have got so far.
My own marriage is so much happier now, we love each other how we are and hopefully will continue to do so. Hubby is not a great one to discuss ttwd but he will openly say how much happier he is and how much more together we are. And do you know what? That will do for me.:)
Good luck everyone in 2014. May you all be healthy, wealthy and wise ( and spanked;)
P.S. I wrote this post one night after reading an unhappy blog and have debated long and hard about whether to post as I am not usually so soul searching and pontificating but I felt that if you don't like it you can stop reading. If you have got this far thank you.. I also hope I haven't offended anyone.