Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Spanking? No Thanks...

Hello Everyone,

 Just a bit of  a non post really. I don't know what is wrong with me. We have been happily (for the most part) ttwd ing for almost two years. We are really happy on a general every day basis



a bit of this,



( not much of that actually, more the former, but you get the general idea)

I am fairly good, no honestly, not much real naughtiness here, just the odd bit of snippiness...
Mostly spankings are for fun or reminding. 

 Now all of a sudden I am just not interested, nope, I can't be doing with any of it. I just keep avoiding all mention of ttwd. I am just me so actually he is not going to suddenly notice, as " me" is fairly ordinary and boring, a goody two shoes in fact. I can't even be bothered to cause  a bit of spanking fun, no teasing, no gestures, no attitude .

 When he swats me as he always does I just think "too hard, go away". 
Obviously I am not saying anything to hubby beyond the odd ouch or a half- hearted giggle. I do find myself thinking I would rather have had a hug ( not that they are in short supply in this house either). Maybe I am just greedy.


Our son has recently moved back home so our privacy has been a teeny bit curtailed but not enough so you could say it has put an end to anything. He works when we don't and stays with his girlfriend a lot so that is not the problem. The problem is ME. I don't want to know and I have no idea why. 

One evening this week hubby suggested a reminder was due, ( more for fun I think) and I refused , just said I didn't feel up to it. The next morning I refused again, giving the same excuse and he let me off. He knows something is wrong but I am sure he is at a loss as to what to do. After all as he said: 

"I can't push it as you haven't actually done anything wrong".

 I felt glad of the reprieve and just sort of dropped the subject . Now we have both let the topic die so.......

I know I am in the wrong by  refusing and also by not talking but I just plain and simply don't want to.
If any one has any suggestions please feel free to throw them my way as I fear with me working full time for the next couple of months things are not going to improve. I honestly don't feel that I want to be spanked, not for any reason and as this is so unlike me I have no clue where we are heading.

I don't think reminder spankings do me any good at all, he has not really anything to remind me about usually and I have just started to think all the time how hard he is spanking and I don't seem to get there in my mind nowadays., much as I might try to.............

It all seems a bit pointless at the minute, maybe we need to have a break or something. Maybe I need to be naughty lol . Any ideas welcome.


Hope everything is going well for all of you
love Jan,xx

29 comments:

  1. Jan,
    Sometimes it is that way around here. I think this ttwd/dd is an ebb and flow thing. Perhaps a lot like what is happening in blogland. Sometime we women really need our backsides paddled and other times, we can't be bothered. I have no answers, just lots of loving support. Let's have a cup of tea and talk about anything else, but husbands and spankings.
    Meredith

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    1. Hi Meredith, Thanks for the support, I think maybe that is what I need the most. Hope you and Jack are okay
      love Jan,xx

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  2. I can't say much different than Meredith. I know deep in my soul I'm a spanko - but there have been many time in my life where I've felt exactly the way you are feeling. I know that when Nick slacks off anything about spanking for a while I step back and almost get annoyed when he then tries. All I can tell you is that the feelings have always come back. Sometimes it's quick, sometimes it takes a L-O-N-G time! Having kids around also sucks the spanko feelings out of me. Regardless of the age, you get into mommy mode, whether you mean to or not.

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    1. Hi PK, I read your answer to John and told him that is how I feel, he has been really sweet about it all actually. He thinks it is work causing me to feel a bit off about things and he is probably right
      love Jan,xx

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  3. Hey Jan...you might not want to speak with your hubby, but you really need to. Communication is the key. See what he thinks...he knows you better than any of us. Maybe you two need to step back or maybe he needs to give you more warm up or maybe it will come to you when you two start talking. Bottom line...talk to the man! Sending lots of positive energy.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, we have talked today, he has read my post and the first few comments, he thinks he will probably start a gentler version for a while, he is sure my job is the root cause of it all, I can feel myself getting a bit more independent so ...
      love Jan.xx

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  4. I keep thinking I don't want a spanking. Then, when he does and it takes me by surprise that he does, I'm back there with him.
    I think we spend too much time categorising spankings, as if they have to have an absolute purpose and place in our life. Sometimes you just need to go with the moment and let it happen.
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Hi DF, I think you are right, I just need to go with the flow and hope things go back to normal
      love Jan,xx

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    2. I never catorgarize span kings. Sir just whips me when he feels like it. At first I used to want to know Hey what did I do but he'd just say I don't need a reason or excuse. He doesn't even know the word gentle. Says it's not in his dictionary. I have a safe word which I've used a couple of times but when it's punishment, I would never use it. For his own pleasure or cause he feels like it, I will if I can't take anymore.

      Sometimes I am seriously not in the mood and I say so and he just looks at me and laughs and says Get your ass into the bedroom now. I try not to visibly pout because that will make it oh so much worse. Why do I find all of this so hot? Obviously we are not only in a DD relationship but Dom/sub also.

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  5. There's nothing wrong with you Jan...try not to worry about it too much. I know you and I are a bit different but I do understand my need for spankings and there are lots of times when I say "meh"...I can live without it just fine. I eventually come around to accepting the need again but all sort of stuff can play a part. Even times of the month and my stupid 40's hormones can turn me off and on.

    That said, if you need to test the waters to see how your head responds, you could always verbalize the "too hard, go away" (made me giggle btw) and see what happens.

    I think telling him is a good idea b/c men experience this too. It may be reassuring to him to know that you ebb and flow and it will help both of you communicate and be reassuring to him at those times when you might not be on the same page.

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    1. Hi Susie, I have talked to him today, bless him he has been very nice about it all. I think he realizes we have sort of let the ball drop and it has just faded a bit. I am sure things will pick up a bit with a bit of effort, He has read this post so at least he knows how I am feeling and I know he will try and sort me out!
      love Jan.xx

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  6. Well here I go being different again. I tried to post yesterday but ...well you know blogger! Anyway this has happened to me. This has happened to others I know. For a while there every time Barney said it was time for reconnection ( and that is primarily what spankings are used for here- that and reset...again angel in case you forgot ;), I my eyes would well up. I didn't want to. I didn't need it. Like sex, if you have them you accept them, if you go a long time without, you feel you no longer need them.

    So what did I do? I submitted to the spankings. The thought and lack of desire, disappeared after he started for a while. Unfortunately every time for a few weeks this happened. EVERY TIME. Every time I submitted- it was honestly the ultimate act of submission on my part. The most vulnerable I have felt. But I trusted Barney, and eventually the feeling went away. Don't get me wrong on the (very) rare occasion that I am waiting for a punishment, I don't exactly WANT one! But the other feelings of "meh, I'm good" don't last very long anymore- right now.

    I told Kim this one time, I think perhaps because the 'newness' wore off? Sure it took a long time for that to happen, but perhaps that was part of it. Bottom line, no pun intended, I decided after all those months of harping and worrying about my husband not being consistent at the start of our ttwd, it was now my time to step out of my comfort zone and be consistent by submitting even if I didn't feel like I needed it. Ttwd, was brought into our marriage to make our connection stronger. I know in my heart it works for us, so I had to find it in myself to submit even if I didn't feel like it. God forbid my poor husband if he doesn't step up because he doesn't feel like it!

    My comment isn't to guilt you into anything you are not ready for, just explaining my process during the time that this happened to me. Before I submitted to our reconnection spanking that I really didn't want/need, I told Barney I didn't want or need it. He told me, " We both know this works for us, and we will get through this together." I cried and cried ( not from the pain).

    Trust your husband. Talk to your husband if even to say, " I don't understand what is going on with me" and take a leap of faith. This is the tough stuff Jan, but it makes our foundation stronger once we get to the other side.

    love
    willie

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    1. Hi Willie, for us it really isn't about submission, it is always more of a fun thing, reminders are more reminders that we like it!! He is not reminding me to be submissive as I actually don't need to be any different to how I always have been. I defer to him anyway, it is not a big thing here submission. This is not how we are. We are talking about it and he has been very nurturing today , he is sure my job is at the root of it all, I am drifting a bit maybe. Him spanking me when I really don't want it won't help. he is 100% sure of that and wouldn't go down that route. I think like some of the others have said it is just a phase , hormones, age and life in general. He says our foundation is strong and we will be fine with or without spanking and I believe him
      love Jan.xx

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  7. Hi Jan, I agree with the others that there is a definite ebb and flow. I like DF's comment about cstegorising spankings rather than going with the flow. We women do tend to over think things :)

    I also agree you need to talk to him, much as you don't want to right now.

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, thanks, you are right it is a phase I am going through I think. We are talking , he has read my post and is very understanding. Soon be okay hopefully. Love to you and Rick
      Jan. xx

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  8. I sent you an email but I really believe it has something to do with your hormone levels. Finding Sarah wrote a post on this about a year ago.

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    1. Hi Betsy, thanks, I will pop and read it in a minute, I am going through the mad middle aged woman phase I think.!!
      love Jan.xx

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  9. I think it's perfectly fine and normal to not want a spanking for a few months. Maybe it's just not something you need at the moment. Whatever it is, make sure you are communicating your wants and desires to your husband all the time. It sounds like he will keep trying to give you what you want, unless you tell him otherwise.

    In this community, we tend to categorize and label our lifestyles, which leads to worries like, "Well, if I'm a spanko, why don't I want to be spanked lately???" or "If I'm into D/s, why don't I want to submit this week???"

    It really is OK to not be into TTWD for a bit. It's about no one but you and your husband, and if you don't feel like doing something, you shouldn't force yourself to do it. As long as you continue to communicate with your husband about what you're feeling, I'm sure he will be understanding and receptive to your inevitable waning and waxing of TTWD desires.

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    1. Hi Autumn, I have always said we just do ttwd our way but l didn't expect it to suddenly be no way lol. You are all very kind and he does understand , he has been very sweet since I talked to him. we are always happy together and this won't change that, I think he understands already
      love Jan.xx

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  10. Hi Jan,
    You've gotten some great advice, and I'm sure you and your husband will talk, and everything will be fine. I know I've felt like this before and I never understand why, but I do eventually snap out of it. Sending you a big hug, but I know with or without TTWD, or even on a little break, you both are happily married and have tons of fun together, and that's what's most important :)

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    1. Hi Jennelle,yes we are talking and I am sure we will be carrying on with ttwd , it's just a blip I am having
      love Jan.xx

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  11. I would love to use some good old Anglo Saxon here, but better not. I like what Autumn has to say, and the same thoughts are in my mind.

    I understand what it is to work solidly for a couple of months like you are, and don't forget we have only just managed to become "a couple" after all these years of having at least one offspring live with us. Maybe you need a little break from it all. Sometimes life just gets in the way and we need to turn off and chill for a while.

    You know where I am if you just want a good old gossipy chat.

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami, you and Autumn are right, we are fine with or without it. At the moment I am so tired I can't even contemplate any of it. thank God he understands and won't just do it anyway, a sure recipe for disaster. Love to Dan
      Jan.xx

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  12. I do agree that feelings ebb and flow. We are always changing along with our emotions, but who we are deep down is always still there at the heart of it all. You may feel this now...but in another moment it will pass and you will return to your desire...I feel certain of this - I don't know why but I do believe it... No advice other than hugs and love from a friend from afar. It sounds like you are communicating and that is wonderful. Hugs

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    1. Oh Terps, what a lovely comment, thank you so much. Hope you are okay,
      love Jan,xx

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  13. Life gets in the way and messy. I think you have to just go with the flow and communicate communicate.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie, I think you are very right, life is a pain in the arse :(
      love Jan.xx

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  14. You could have a new rule that any spankings must be earned by you getting to enjoy some fun. :)

    Seriously, if you need a break you need a break. As long as it's not because of something else (feeling unsafe, not able to trust, etc.), it sounds totally normal.

    Or maybe nice gentle spanking followed by lots of love afterward.

    Hugs.

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    1. Hi Ana, Actually things are a bit better now, I have had a spanking this week, just because, and we have talked about everything. Hopefully I will soon get my mojo back
      love Jan,xx

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