Now, by now, after several memes I am sure you all know my attitude towards holidays. Yes yes I know I am a bit odd, or as my husband likes to say I play a different tune to normal people! I can't help it and every time we go anywhere I set out to be angelic and sweet and well..enthusiastic.
To be honest I like the packing, the journey and the looking forward to it all. The trouble only starts when we get to our destination :(
Within a short ( okay sometimes extremely short) time I want to go home.
This last week we have attempted a few days away seeing a bit more of England.
I can hear you all now..
"How lovely", "have a nice time", "be good"
Yeah well. You have not all had to put up with one vital part of the aforementioned trip
The Sat Nav!!!
Omg I do not know how anyone can be expected to behave when presented with the bloody thing and it's uselessness. Before you all say one single thing I challenge you to a week in the company of my husband and his bloody useless toy ( I am still talking about the satnav btw).
Remember too my husband drives for a living.....
We set off bright and early , car packed, full of holiday spirit, (okay that was him ). I tried, really I tried and in my defence I thought I was perfect ish. ;).
We got to the city of our destination with only a few wrong turns and then spent god knows how long finding our destination. The blinking sat nav took us down a dead end TWICE and my husband will insist on following it instead of the road signs . Tell me please what is that about!
I will admit to a few snappy remarks, not many you understand but a point had to be made and I was determined to make it, if you get my drift.. On our arrival and having talked to another couple we discovered we were not alone in getting lost, the place was in the back of beyond.
On unpacking the cases that I had so carefully packed I discovered the wooden paddle and a wooden spoon :(
Oh dear that didn't bode well I thought, and soon as hubby had recovered from his arduous journey and listening to his sweet wife's complaints he put both to use, not for long thankfully but
He maintained that he was going to put the kibosh on any of my shenanigans as soon as they started and I was not going to whine or whinge about going home early. :(
The actual holiday itself was great, even if we got lost every day heading in and out and finding the various tourist attractions we visited all week.
Never have I been on such a busy holiday we saw the Victory, the Mary Rose, went on a boat trip, a couple of museums, the Warrior, an Aquarium, a Castle, a fabulous shopping centre and my husband went up a tower and took some lovely pictures. ( I sat in the cafe at the bottom and drank a lovely cappucino)
Yes you have guessed it, we went to Portsmouth!! It is a beautiful city, with lots to see and do.I am very proud of myself, after that first day I thought I was GOOD.
Ttwd was in evidence all week, he swatted, looked, fondled, cuddled, hugged, swatted again, you know the sort of thing. Truly it was a fun few days and then............................
We decided to move somewhere else. Now I will admit I was hankering after my own bed and I may have been getting
Our next destination was only a couple of hours away, a stately home and safari park. At this point we made a decision. This was the best decision of the week and (in smug tone) mine .
We bought a MAP.
Thank heavens, a route to follow and not a damn box that had no idea where to go. I valiantly stayed awake and got to give my husband orders. What a lovely trip I was having until................ with only a short way to go I said take the right hand lane ( of three) . I had seen the big, actually massive brown sign with an elephant on advertising our destination. Easy, right?
Almost there, almost there and then hubby suddenly dives across two lanes and goes left!!!
I have never in all my life shouted the F word so loud EVER but I was so cross, absolutely bloody furious . I could have whipped that paddle out and walloped him in a flash.
His excuse - " The satnav said left!!"
"Who bloody cares what the satnav said" . I wanted to throw the damn thing out of the window. If we were not on the motorway I think I would have been paddled instantly. To make matters worse for my rear end, I was right and we had to follow my route :)))
I stunned myself with my outburst to be truthful and I couldn't argue when he informed me that I was going to get a spanking and a half later. Even I had to agree I had earned it, but omg he had tried my patience.
We had a lovely day, safari park, Woburn Abbey, glorious sunshine and then we checked into a lovely English Inn for dinner and the night. Both too tired for action, I was reprieved until we got home.
The next morning we visited our last holiday attraction Bletchley Park, home of the code crackers in World War two , a fascinating place, made us both feel inadequate somehow.. What amazing people they were, those clever people who lived and worked there helping to defend our country.
A few hours later and we were home..He unpacked the car, I put the first load of washing in...
Then followed the hardest, fastest, spanking in our record books. He must have used half a dozen implements, hand, leather paddle, plastic spoon, wooden spoon, wooden paddle and he finished off with the cane. He kept going until he felt I was suitably contrite.
I ouched for England, he didn't give an inch, my bottom was as red as a tomato, with an assortment of marks adorning my tender cheeks. I couldn't argue either I had earned every smack. Even now the sound of that "F**K" is still ringing in my ears!! Let alone the sniping and whining that he maintained I had indulged in over the week ( hardly true but I am in no position to argue at the moment, being still a teensy bit tender).
To be truthful, We had a lovely holiday, great places to visit, gorgeous weather. scrumptious husband, oh and did I mention, no diet for a week ;).
But guess what.......
I am so glad to be home,
hope you are all well and happy, I missed you all when I was away with my sketchy internet connections. Am going to spend tomorrow catching up with everyone