Saturday, 20 September 2014

The "S" Word!

Hello everyone,

Now, by now, after several memes I am sure you all know my attitude towards holidays. Yes yes I know I am a bit odd, or as my husband likes to say I play a different tune to normal people! I can't help it and every time we go anywhere I set out to be angelic and sweet and well..enthusiastic.

To be honest I like the packing, the journey and the looking forward to it all. The trouble only starts when we get to our destination :(

Within a short ( okay sometimes extremely short) time I want to go home.


This last week we have attempted a few days away seeing a bit more of England.
I can hear you all now..

"How lovely",  "have a nice time", "be good"

Yeah well. You have not all had to put up with one vital part of the aforementioned trip



                                                            The Sat Nav!!!


Omg I do not know how anyone can be expected to behave when presented with the bloody thing and it's uselessness. Before you all say one single thing I challenge you to a week in the company of my husband and his bloody useless toy ( I am still talking about the satnav btw).

Remember too  my husband drives for a living.....

We set off bright and early , car packed, full of holiday spirit, (okay that was him ). I tried, really I tried  and in my defence I thought I was perfect  ish. ;).

We got to the city of our destination with only  a few wrong turns and then spent god knows how long finding our destination. The blinking sat nav took us down a dead end TWICE and my husband will insist on following it instead of the road signs . Tell me please what is that about!

I will admit to a few snappy remarks, not many you understand but a point had to be made and I was determined to make it, if you get my drift.. On our arrival and having talked to another couple we discovered we were not alone in getting lost,  the place was in the back of beyond.


On unpacking the cases that I had so carefully packed I discovered the wooden paddle and a wooden spoon :(

 Oh dear that didn't bode well I thought, and soon as hubby had recovered  from his arduous journey and listening to his sweet wife's complaints he put both to use, not for long  thankfully but
still...

He maintained that he was going to put the kibosh on any of my shenanigans as soon as they started and I was not going to whine or whinge about going home early. :(


The actual holiday itself was great, even if we got lost every day heading in and out and finding the various tourist attractions we visited all week.

Never have I been on such a busy holiday we saw the Victory, the Mary Rose, went on a boat trip, a couple of museums, the Warrior, an Aquarium, a Castle, a fabulous shopping centre and my husband went up a tower and took some lovely pictures. ( I sat in the cafe at the bottom and drank a lovely cappucino)






Yes you have guessed  it, we went to Portsmouth!!  It is a beautiful city, with lots to see and do.I am very proud of myself, after that first day  I thought I was  GOOD.

Ttwd was in evidence all week, he swatted, looked, fondled, cuddled, hugged, swatted again, you know the sort of thing. Truly it was a fun few days and then............................



We decided to move somewhere else. Now I will admit  I was hankering after my own bed and I may have been getting bloody exhausted  a wee bit tired so this next couple of days were going to stretch my good behaviour just a tad.

Our next destination was only  a couple of hours away, a stately home and  safari park. At this point we made a decision.   This was the best decision of the week and (in smug tone) mine .

                                                                    We bought   a   MAP.

Thank  heavens, a route to follow and not a damn box that had no idea where to go. I valiantly stayed awake and got to give my husband orders. What a lovely trip I was having until................ with only a short way to go I said take the right hand lane ( of three) . I had seen the big, actually massive  brown sign with an elephant on advertising our destination. Easy, right?

Almost there, almost there and then hubby suddenly dives across two lanes and goes left!!!


I have never in all my life shouted the F word so loud EVER but I was so cross, absolutely bloody furious . I could have whipped that paddle out and walloped him in a flash.

His excuse - " The satnav said left!!"

"Who bloody cares what the satnav said" . I wanted to throw the damn thing out of the window. If we were not on the motorway I think I would have been paddled instantly. To make matters worse for my rear end, I was right and we had to follow my route :)))

I stunned myself with my outburst to be truthful and I couldn't argue when he informed me that I was going to get  a spanking and a half later. Even I had to agree I had earned it, but omg he had tried my patience.


We had a lovely day, safari park, Woburn Abbey, glorious sunshine and then we checked into a lovely English Inn for dinner and the night. Both too tired for action, I was reprieved until we got home.




The next morning we visited our last holiday attraction  Bletchley Park, home of the code crackers in World War two , a fascinating place, made us both feel inadequate somehow.. What amazing people they were, those clever people who lived and worked there helping to defend our country.


A few hours later and we were home..He unpacked the car, I put the first load of washing in...

"Upstairs! NOW!"

Then followed the hardest, fastest, spanking in our record books. He must have used half a dozen implements, hand, leather paddle,  plastic spoon, wooden spoon, wooden paddle and he finished off with the cane. He kept going until he felt I was suitably contrite.

I ouched for England, he didn't give an inch, my bottom was as red as a tomato, with an assortment of marks adorning my tender cheeks.  I couldn't argue either I had earned every smack. Even now the sound of that "F**K" is still ringing in my ears!! Let alone the sniping and whining that he maintained I had indulged in over the week ( hardly true but I am in no position to argue at the moment, being still a teensy bit tender).


To be truthful, We  had a lovely holiday, great places to visit, gorgeous weather. scrumptious husband, oh and did I mention, no diet for a week ;).

But guess what.......


I am so glad to be home,

 hope you are all well and happy, I missed you all when I was away with my sketchy internet connections. Am going to spend tomorrow catching up with everyone

love Jan,xx

29 comments:

  1. Welcome back...and most of it sounds really delightful. What is it with men and those little black boxes.....
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby, hope you have recovered from your hand strapping, that was scary. I wonder if all men are the same with their toys
      love Jan, xx

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  2. Welcome home and glad you allowed yourself to have a good time. Sorry about the f**k but that switch would have caused the same reaction out of me.

    I do understand about the GPS. It must be the female voice, which must be nicer than mine because he listens to it more than me. Like you, most of the time I'm right. It's really hard not telling him "I told you so." I think on our next trip I'm going to sit in the back. lol

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    1. Hi Sunny, I think I should have sat some where else too. I think he thinks I am stupid, but my map reading was much better than that woman!
      love Jan,xx

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  3. Oh dear...I'm on the other side of the coin...I can get lost going around the block and love my GPS! The only problem with my GPS is that it is so old that they don't have updates for it so if I have to start traveling much again, I will need to get a new one with updates. I don't know about England, but here in the US, they are constantly building and rebuilding roads so the GPS needs updates...maybe your husband's GPS needs updates.

    What I did when I traveled with my ex or with Matthew was to close my eyes if I was tempted to give directions...which actually was very rare since I can't find my way out of a paper bag!

    Welcome home.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, yes we did decide that the blooming thing needs updating. I don't generally give directions but we would still be wandering aimlessly if I had kept quiet this trip!!
      hope you are okay
      love Jan,xx

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  4. Jan,
    I enjoyed your journey.......... all of it! Traveling is difficult enough without the spoon and the paddle showing up. Glad you enjoyed your holiday and make it through your spanking once home ............. you did want your own bed, right?
    Meredith

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    1. Hi Meredith, yes I did want my own bed but I would have preferred to be in it rather than over it. Still a girl can't have everything can she?
      love Jan,xx

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  5. Sympathies! We had a similar experience with the satnav in P's car and several times I pointed out his car needed a good old fashioned map, especially when we ended up in a farmers yard. I don't think English roads suit satnav. No swearing though, due to presence of kids in car. Sorry the butt got it hard.
    I'd love to take the kids to Portsmouth, but it's such a long way.
    hugs DF

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    1. Hi DF, we need to update it I think. It isn't too far for us, about five hours. The children would love it, there is so much to do and see there. Long way for you though
      love Jan,xx

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  6. Hi Jan, welcome home! Sounds like a mostly wonderful vacation. I think travelling to new places tests most relationships lol. Sorry about the F bomb and spanking. Pretty sure I would have reacted the same way!

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, nice to know I am in good company, I have no idea what possessed me but I blame the holidaying
      lol
      love Jan,xx

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  7. Hi Jan, your trip must have been awesome! Well, not the F-bomb part, but I think that your satnav should have been spanked far harder than you, after all telling the wrong way is absolutely annoying. I always try hard, but I don’t think I could have stopped myself from swearing/backseat driving in such a situation either. But I am happy for you because you had such a great holiday!

    hugs

    Nina

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    1. Hi Ni Na, we did have a great holiday, even with the F-bomb making a n appearance! I am a terrible back seat driver
      love Jan,xx

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  8. Hi Jan. I am glad that you had a nice holiday despite the outburst and I am glad you are happy at home again. Navigation are wonderful tools...when they work. :-) Hugs

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    1. Hi Terps, I am thinking of treating him to a new sat nav for Christmas and until then we are staying home!! Hope you are okay
      love Jan,xx

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  9. LOL! I LOVE this - I was with you all the way girl! I am a home body myself, I would rather be at my home than anywhere else. And for getting lost listening to that little box - done that too. And you know me, I'm happy you got your butt blistered too.

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    1. Hi PK, some how I knew you would laugh. I am so glad to be home. I hope you are alright, and still talking.
      love Jan,xx

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  10. Sounds like you had a great time and a bit of challenging moments! The spanking upon returning home.... Ouch! Lol!
    I am a very bad back seat driver so I get it! When we are in the car, I am threatened about as many times as I boss. When we step out of the car I make sure my behind is out of public swatting range!

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    1. Hi Minelle, yes it was a great holiday, with a few moments!! He is still in swat mode today, lol I am keeping on the move ;)
      love Jan,xx

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  11. Jan,

    Welcome home. Sounds like you had a fab time. Bletchley Park is on my to do list

    I would have said the F word as well in that situation and got the spanking for it.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie, Bletchley was very interesting, it is hard to imagine what life was like for the people who lived and worked there. I am definitely not geeky enough to have done what they did. I reckon I would have been the cleaner or the tea lady!!
      love Jan,xx

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  12. So glad that you had a nice holiday, in spite of the F word and nav spanking, Jan! :) Oh gosh- sometimes these things just happen to come flying out of one's mouth... Ouch on all of those implements too! Glad that you are home again safe and sound! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie, thankjs. My husband read your post about the two year changes and he said like I did how good it was and how much alike we are! Glad things are going well for you
      love Jan xx

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  13. I'm so glad you had a wonderful time on holiday. I totally understand..I hate our GPS, and I've done the same thing when we get lost...F word and all. When I feel the need to start telling him how to drive, I try to nap instead..block it all out and stay out of trouble. Sorry about that spanking, I know it was a rough one. Glad you're home now.

    Hugs

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    1. Hi Jennelle, I usually nap but this time I daren't , God knows where we would have ended up, lol. I think car trips are a major source of trouble for dd wives!
      love Jan,xx

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  14. You've had me laughing all the way to the end! You really are the funniest! That holiday would have EXHAUSTED me! Good grief! I nearly cried when I read he had slipped in the paddle and the wooden spoon!

    I hate and loathe sat navs to distraction! I am the navigator and I ALWAYS get us there! I would've said the F word about a hundred times and chucked him out the bloody car! In fact, Dan is just as hopeless. What is it with men who like to nip off down side turnings?!

    As for your spanking - thank goodness Dan doesn't spank for swearing. I don't say the F word very often, but when I do you know it is an important occasion, and I wouldn't be very happy to get spanked for it. And while I am on my apple-box, 'if you go and buy all these exotic creations such as canes - on your head (or should I say BEHIND) be it! (All said laughingly, and on your behalf, wincingly!)

    Glad you had a good holiday!

    Many hugs
    Ami

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  15. Hi Ami, what lovely comments. I think it is about time Dan got a cane, just saying..
    I had a fun spanking this morning with not an implement in sight so I must have kept my mouth shut the last few days :) How nice to be home.
    love Janxx

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  16. Hi Jan....I am catching up with you, too! I haven't been to Portsmouth yet, but it's on my list. We spend most of our time in Master's beloved Yorkshire, which is beloved to me too. I also can empathize with that satnav nightmare...luckily Master loves the good ol' fashioned map too :) Your experience echoes with me almost just like me, but hey live and learn :) Glad you had time away making memories...that's what's important :) Hugs petals xxx

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