Wednesday, 9 September 2015

a Step Back :(


Hello my friends,

I am glad to have somewhere to go and someone to talk to at the moment as our ttwd life has hit a bit of a stumbling block.




Ttwd has never been a huge deal with punishments galore but it has been consistently there for a few years now and so I thought a handy little tool keeping us together and happy. At the moment though it all feels a bit fraudulent, sort of I thought it wa one thing and he thought it another. His version appears to have been a bit more trivial than mine, I feel like I was just a joke to him, gosh that is hard to say and maybe not even true. Who knows? Certainly not me.

Of course this is probably temporary but I feel a bit saddened by it all, trivial though it is, and it really is. I have blown everything out of proportion and have no ideas or inclination  how to put things right. We are not a couple of kids, we have been married for thirty three years for God's sake!



At the moment my "ordinary" life is going through some difficult times, really really hard stuff. Stuff I can't even talk about . Stuff I want to cry about and run away from. My sense of duty won't let me though. I hate being so bloody responsible.


That aside:

Grandbaby is fine, wonderful and getting bigger and more beautiful by the day.

 Our youngest has just asked his lovely girlfriend to marry him. These things are absolutely the best. I adore the baby and my new dil is the daughter I would have chosen for myself. I love her to bits.
I think she likes me too,( she told someone at our slimming group I was a lovely mil and I cried!!)




However in dealing with the awful crap I have struggled so much and one day when I turned to hubby for help, help he knew  I was desperate for, it was not forthcoming. I am not saying he rejected me but it definitely felt like it and in a totally crappy text too :(.


The obvious happened, as we don't row, I just withdrew into myself and plodded on. I couldn't talk to him, in fact I barely spoke to anyone for a week. I felt that ttwd was just simply a game to him and one  that he would only join in with, when he felt like it. I actually feel sad and a bit embarrassed that I am so needy.

 Please don't get me wrong I totally love my husband, he is the be all and end all of my existence, just right now I can't cope with one more thing being so hard in my life and suddenly I have to :(


The crap is still going on and in truth I can't see an end to it.  Ttwd has been all that has given me peace and strength to deal with it for years so now what?

After a week hubby decided we needed to clear the air and said so. I told him outright that he wasn't spanking me, no chance. I felt too embarrassed by it as we had obviously had such different ideas on it all and that I was feeling an idiot.

He straightaway replied that I had got it wrong and he felt I should spank him as he owed me an apology for the text and for not being there for me!!



I was taken aback, somehow I felt worse because he was admitting he knew he had done it and had just left me sad and quiet for days.

 I just said no, and tried to explain how I was feeling. like a lemon and actually a bit of a nuisance to him, was he just thinking I was an idiot all this time?  I have taken spanking off the agenda for now.
He would like things to just go back to the way they were but I can't see how right now, there is no way in hell I am confident enough to try spanking at the moment.

Ever since we started living this way I have talked about the blogs and all of you, reading him bits and pieces now and again. he however has refused to read a thing. I have gone as far now as to ask him to read some things and research a bit about stuff to see if we can find a way forward.

Today he read some of Jack and Meredith's posts, and I have left him to think.

I feel lost and as he is at work now I can have a little cry in peace. What do I do now? There is a brick wall between us and although day to day life is the same, ttwd is not.





I am aware that all this is trivial and will surely pass soon enough. The thing with this lifestyle is though, that you can't just chat about it to your mate up the road and put the world to rights over a cup of tea! That is why you my friends are lumbered with this whiny post. I am sorry about that and please feel free to go on your merry way.
 If however anyone has some useful advice,  at this point un-useful advice will be gratefully  received as well, such are the depths of despair currently attained in the Rose household please be free to give it I will be grateful.

I am aware there are lots of you with much more significant stuff to deal with so you all have my sympathy. I hope everyone has a good week

much love

                    Jan, xxx

41 comments:

  1. Oh, Jan,
    I just want to hug you and sit, talk and have you make me a cup of tea. This kind of things happens for all of us. ack and I have made this same walk and when we did, it threw me for a loop. We went quite a few days with not talking, even touching, loving and all. Then we talked and talked. I climbed into his lap and cried. We did an easy spanking and promised to listen to one another in a better way. You and your hubby are at that same place and things will return to what you love and need, but you must talk and talk and talk some more. You already know this. I am here and you may email me if you are more comfortable.
    I care.
    Meredith

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    1. Hi Meredith, thankyou so much, everyone's comments have made me cry today. I can't believe the support I am having from everyone. I hope my husband will continue to read your posts and some of it helps us
      love Jan,xx

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  2. Stop saying it's trivial. It's not trivial if you're upset about it. I kind of get what you're saying about the whole spanking thing. We don't really have any kind of formal spanking relationship, I'm the one who's into it and my husband just appeases me. And yes, once in a while I feel like I am being needy and he would just rather not and that is a scary and vulnerable feeling. Honestly, it can make me feel like a bit of a freak and a burden, I don't know what you're feeling. I will tell you that sometimes men in general, the spanking kind or the non-spanking kind, just don't get it... I think sometimes they think just leaving us alone will fix things and they won't have to deal with it. I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I wish I could help! I am happy for all the good things going on in your life and I hope you get through this rough spot soon.

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    1. Oh Casey, you are so wise for a baby wife!!I always feel ancient next to you and Nina but I guess we all feel the same no matter our age. You definitely know more about men than I did at your age, hopefully you will be wizzy at this by the time you are my age!!. Thank you for your support
      love Jan,xx

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  3. I'm so sorry - wish we could have a cuppa too. Maybe you should arrange a visit with our Ami, wouldn't that be lovely?

    I agree with Casey, if you're feeling this badly, it's not trivial. Ray and I have a relationship like Casey, so I can't offer any advice. I think Meredith is right in that talk is the only way through it. I also agree with Casey that men just don't get it. They're not emotional beings and it scares the hell out of them when we get that way - they think if they just back off, everything will fall into place.

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    1. Hi Sunny, best you hop in that RV and come this far! You and Casey are right, men are hopeless with all the talking and emotional stuff. I imagine he is hoping I just forget all about it, this time though I simply can't. Thanks for being so kind
      love Jan,xx

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  4. As I was reading this, I kept thinking this is not trivial...to you this is a big deal...as it should be. You care about what has happened, you feel a little like you have been betrayed...those feelings are real and not trivial. Men....sometimes I really think they are from Mars...or even further than that. Instead of dwelling on the hurt and disappointment think back to some of the times when the two of you were in sinc....and having fun...maybe spanking.
    Breathe my friend, and when you are ready talk....
    hugs abby

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    1. Hi Abby, you are right, I don't know where exactly men hail from but it is not the same place as me! Maybe your master should give a few lessons, thanks
      love Jan,xx

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  5. I am just catching up and reading your post makes me wish I could reach out and give you a hug. Any feelings you have are not trivial...they are your honest to goodness feelings in the moment and they are valid...never doubt that. It is okay to feel emotional, sad, confused, frustrated, needy...whatever you are feeling...it is okay. I hope you are able to talk about it and work through. And I hope that you can find some peace as you deal with all the other "crap" life is throwing your way this moment. Hugs and love from a distance.

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    1. Hi Terps, thank you very much, I am very wobbly today, even reading people's kind words is making me cry. I do need to get a grip before I can even hope to sort things out so I think it will be a few days yet before I can even give it a go
      love Jan,xx

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  6. I'm only reading the answers to try to find some help myself. I've come to this point so many times I feel like a fool. Nick is into spanking for one reason and one reason only - when he feels like sex. Spanking is sexy, but when that is the only reason I get resentful. That's not what I dreamed of, that's not what it meant to me. So I'm sick of asking. I haven't taken spanking off the table but mostly I just don't care. Gee, I'm tons of help aren't I? Like you I still love my husband enormously, but TTWD seems to be a bust these days.

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    1. when you find those answers let me know too...spanking goes along with sex here, too, and at the moment there is no sex either...which means no spanking. Spanking means so much more to me than to him - it makes me feel connected to him. Anyhow, I understand and send hugs...to you both

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    2. Oh PK, I am amazed by how many of us are out there struggling, our men seem to be from an alien species . I have no advice for you either. Let's go visit the Castle or Corbin's bend for a bit, see how the other half lives
      love Jan,xx

      Terps, you can come too XX

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    3. Can I come to Corbin's Bend too. would love to live there.

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    4. Oh definitely, we will all go, they will have to build extra houses for all of us!! xx

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  7. Oh hon, I think times like these happen to everyone. Some days my guy is dealing with us in a very TTWD way. Of course then life gets stressful and.... Crowded... And it takes a bit of a back seat. I'm not completely sure but maybe that is normal. I do think you need to share your thoughts and feelings. To me it is like every other disagreement that puts barriers up between our loved partner. It needs communication. We then need to allow ourselves to be vulnerable and trust it will be okay.

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    1. Hi Minelle, I don't think I would mind a back seat. It is more of a trip out the fire exit!
      I am struggling to talk to him at the moment and he doesn't seem inclined to so somehow I have to break the cycle and find the strength to start, trouble is I feel too sad to do it
      love Jan,xx

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  8. I am pouring a cup of tea with you in spirit. It looks like we are going to have a virtual tea party to comfort you. :-)

    I don't have a TTWD relationship, but I am looking for my man and maybe someday I will find him, who knows...but I can feel you pain in your writing. I think that we as women are programmed to put our needs second and that if we need something from someone we love, that is not okay, and if we have to ask, then we probably shouldn't want it after all or be able to live without it, and I think it is hard to stop feeling like that. I know I am trying to stop doing it...sometimes more successfully than at other times. Someone once said to me when I tried to refuse her help with something to not steal her joy in helping me. That it made her feel good to do something for me and that I should let her. I wonder if you and your hubby approached things that way if it wouldn't help.

    You are obviously deeply in love with each other and I can only assume that it makes him feel good to do things for you and TTWD is something that is important to you and maybe if he understands that "no kidding" this is important to you and you want it to be important to him, then maybe you will get through to him.

    As hard as it may be to talk about this, maybe it is a good thing it happened because you can get on the same page about what you need and expect from him.

    Love will always win out...I'm sure you will figure things out together.

    Hugs!

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    1. Hi Cygnet, thank you for being so kind to me. We are long time marrieds, always happily so I know this will be pass. I am just a bit worried what will come out the other side. I love to put him first but at the moment I am at the bottom of everyone's heap. I somehow seem to have turned submissive into slavery and fear
      love Jan,xx

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  9. Oh Jan, I wish I could dash across the country and give you a big hug.
    You've got a lot on your plate and struggling to deal with all these emotions. I don't have any great advice, because spankings have only ever achieved very little here in my house and mostly a prelude to sex. As Terps says, there is nothing wrong with your coping strategy for dealing with everything. I hope things get easier for you and you can two can see through this.
    Love is the glue in your relationship, that will shine through
    big hugs DF.

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    1. Hi DF, I felt bad writing this post as I know lots of bloggers are struggling with issues, yourself included. My posts are generally a bit more frivolous, I am astounded by both the support and the kindred spirits here today. I wish you lived nearer too
      love Jan,xx

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  10. Jan, I'm so sorry. I agree with the others, this is not trivial, your feels are very valid and it's ok to be feeling this way. I'm so glad you shared with us because we are all here for you. I too really wish I could give you a big hug and sit and have a cuppa with you too.

    I'm so sorry you are dealing with other hard stuff and am glad there are also blessings in your granddaughter and new DIL.

    Ttwd in my experience does seem to ebb and flow. It has taken a back seat or become non-existent many times. I have often felt as though it meant different things to each of us, and even at times that I took it more seriously.

    John's reaction to me says that ttwd and the deeper connection it brings is important to him also. You honestly shouldn't feel embarrassed. As Meredith said, you need to talk then talk some more.

    Sending positive thoughts your way and huge ((hugs))
    Roz

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    1. hi Roz, when I wrote my whiny post I did remember you and Rick going through something similar a while back. It is hard isn't it? I don't want to do without this life but I don't know how to move on either. It feels like a stalemate for now.
      Hope you and Rick are okay
      love Jan,xx

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  11. Jan, it really took courage to write this and pour your heart out to us all. I started to cry as I read your words. So not trivial at all. With all the difficult times you are going through, feeling like your support system just disappeared is most serious. We do truly understand how you must feel.

    When I think of all that it took for me to finally tell Sam about what I needed, the merest hint that he might think it was a game is enough to cut me to ribbons. Perhaps we think or at least hope that our men can eventually see things through our eyes, but I don't think they can. The need for him to be the leader and our protector doesn't fit into any nice, neat box. In our minds and hearts, there is not always the separation of "real life" and "ttwd." This need of ours crosses back and forth over that line a hundred times in a day.

    Last week was a low one for me. Couldn't understand how Sam could not "know" what I needed. I pulled far away. There was no anger, just hurt. There were several long cries with me sobbing out the way I was feeling. He didn't really "know" what was going on in my head. He looked at the situation with his eyes and his intellect. I looked at it with my heart and soul. Two very perspectives.

    So talk and cry. Cry and talk some more. Rob is not perfect, and he is not you. Yes, he needs to listen to you, but you need to listen to him, too. When your both return from this broken connection, you will be stronger than ever.

    Sending Lots of Hugs Across the Pond,
    Ella

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    1. Hi Ella, I am so sorry that you too are going through a rough patch, I just feel switched off and am finding it so hard to put all my problems in separate places and be someone different for all these different people I am dealing with. I feel like running away from them all today, instead I have to go teach dance all nice and smiley for my girls. I am not sure today that I can actually manage it. I hope your week improves
      love Jan,xx

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  12. Oh Jan, :( I am so sorry that you are feeling so poorly- dealing with the awful stuff that you refer to, and now feeling that your hubby, has been looking at ttwd in a whole different light than you have for the life of its existence. I'm sorry and I wish that I too was there to give you a HUGE hug and sip some tea with you and chat. You know, there are times when life just piles it on. We get through. You will figure it all out.

    My two cents, for what it is worth is this. No matter what your hubby thought, what you were doing was something that enriched your lives and marriage, right? It became something that not only was helpful to you, but also to him in whatever way he was looking at it. Now it is time to bring this to the table and talk it all out. Tell him how you feel. The number one thing that sends me over the edge, and there are many, is when some action occurs that creates distance. It is a no no. Do everything in your power to fend that off and walk toward him, not away. Talk, talk and talk some more.

    As to the spanking off the table, perhaps you should bring it to the table. It is that very tool that in the past brought you together. You could have a discussion first and a safe word put out there (just in case you feel as though you want to call a halt to it, given the circumstances). The tool of the spanking is the syngergy (so to speak) of communicating when the chips are down, IMHO. I have no doubt in my mind, from all that I have read of your very loving marriage, that your hubby would spank lovingly as he always has. There is often great talk OTK. So that is something that you might consider.

    You know, it is a hard thing ttwd. Acceptance that we like it, and even need it can send one into a tailspin all on its own. One night I got to fretting about that whole thing and for comfort, sought out an article from the New York Times that a journalist there had written about her need to be spanked. In the middle of the night I did this. It made me feel better... OK, I thought, I'm not alone here. I'm perfectly AOK! It helped at the time.

    On neediness... What I can say to that is this: How wonderful to be such one with our loved one, that we miss them when they are not present; that we have "another half" as some refer to marriage or even a close relationship, whose very presence and actions fulfill us. I'd take neediness any day versus being out there in the distance. What better thing is there than sitting on that lap of the one that you love, and feeling their arms around us, their love?

    Wordy as usual here, Jan! I hope that something here helps you. You got great advice above. I'd say push yourself to seek out your hubby. Talk and talk and talk some more. Recognize that whatever you were doing, you were doing it together with love and trust built up through many years. That is special. I hope that you fell much better soon. And that the hard stuff gets gone soon too. Enjoy that beautiful little grand daughter of yours, as well as your lovely DIL to be. She sounds so sweet. I'm thinking of you and sending love and hugs. I'm here if I can help,

    <3 Katie

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    1. Hi Katie, oh thank you for your comments. I have cried pretty much through reading everyone's advice and support. I honestly don't think we will be talking about it for a few days. he has started his work week and I am too fragile to say anything. I believe your advice is perfect, my mindset is just not ready. I promise I will try, I feel like I need to get a bit stronger and not be so clingy. that is the hardest thing
      much love and gratitude
      Jan,xx

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  13. Jan, hugs to you, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time at the moment, and I hope so much that better times are ahead really soon. And I can only agree with what all the others have said, this is not trivial at all, this is about your feelings, so this matters a lot. You feel so hurt and in addition to that your husband has chosen not to solve this. However I am sure he regrets this a lot by now. Hugs, I am so sorry that this happened to you. I fully get you on the broken trust, that alone feels awful. Oh Jan, you shouldn’t be in this situation, and it really hurts just to read that you are not in the good place where you belong.
    I’d probably try talking things through, and that is all I know, but because this is a trust issue, it would take time and a lot of talking. You do not deserve this, … uhm, seriously, without intending to be mean now, maybe your husband really did not get it when he hurt you so badly and afterwards he thought ignoring is a good way out, á la ‘time is a healer’? Bad idea with an open wound like that! … Didn’t Abby write about Mars, maybe even farther away? :)
    Ttwd have always been important for you, and you loved so much how wonderfully this worked for your relationship. I wish so much that this horrible brick wall can be broken down within a short time, so that you can have the trust and ttwd back. And maybe it helps both of you to remember that you love each other, and as lovers you’d want the best for each other.

    hugs and lots of love

    Nina

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    1. Hi Nina darling girl, you are so sweet to me when you too have such horrid things happening in your life. I hope you are doing okay, coping with the situation with your sister and Granny.
      I am struggling to talk to him at the moment. I can't find the right words. Hopefully in time all will return to normal. I was surprised to get such response to this post, it seems a lot of us have clueless husbands at times!!
      love Jan,xx hug toTildaxx

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    2. Oh my, I had a p.s. for you too, but obviously didn't copy it. >>>>

      P.S. It is wonderful that there are some good news that you can share too. … Actually these are awesome news, really the best! Congratulations on getting a wonderful dil. I love that, just like hearing that your grandbaby is fine. :)



      p.p.s. I get you on the struggling to talk part, and I wish so much that you two would hug to make things a little better between the two of you. hugs and love Nina

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    3. Hi Nina, wonderful dil I am getting, I am so lucky. I couldn't love her more if I had given birth to her. I only hope her mum feel the same about my son.xxx

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  14. Hey Jan,
    I muddled quickly through everyone's comments and don't know how much I have to add, but wanted to encourage you. Men are MEN and they are horrible readers of our minds! They are wonderful and we adore them but think for a minute how much time you have spent reading books and blogs, talking with women in the ttwd community. Would you quantify that time as almost countless when you think through the past few years? Your husband has not done the same. The only information he has about you and how ttwd works in your head is from YOU. Every single one of us who has lived this life for any amount of time has been where you are right now and the only thing to do is get truly honest with yourself, own what you need ttwd to look like, gird up your loins and tell him. No kidding Jan...our guys love to fix things. They want us to be happy and healthy and it's really hard for them to wrap their heads around the fact that when we are stressed and losing our minds, the best way to deal with us is to take us in hand. They will instinctively do the opposite, desiring to protect us and lower the stress. What kind of guy puts his wife over his knee when she's hurting? If having him help you through emotionally stressful times works for you as it does for so many of us, you have to quite literally gird up your loins and tell him straight up what that kind of rather serious spanking does for you. It would be a whole lot easier if there could be a rule like "when you are stressed and you get snippy I will spank you" but we grow beyond that stuff. We need them to read us and respond and either they do or they don't...but they cannot if we do not fully explain that they hold the power to literally empty our heads when we need it most. It makes us feel safe, loved and yes...the cheesy word...cherished. When they know this they will often get strong and make the effort, so go find your strength, tell him, let him off the hook for hurting you, put spanking back on the table and fully in his hands...and see what happens. He will disappoint you again because he will "forget", but in our experience every hard conversation has been worth the effort we both put into it.

    Please don't settle for waiting and going back to how things were...b/c you will still be left with questions. Give him a chance to understand you a bit better.

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  15. Hi Susie, I know you are right, I do and I will try and pull myself together enough to follow everyone's advice. I am not sure about the spanking though at the moment. That feels like a step too far for me right now. I am not sure I have the confidence to put myself out there for that. I admit I read a lot and talk to all of you but he is not a stupid man and he knew what he was doing and admits he was in the wrong. I somehow can't find the fun in life at the minute anywhere and all this is the final straw. I just don't want to set myself up as a figure of fun again, it's too painful
    Thanks for your advice, hope you are okay
    love Jan,xxx

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  16. Hi Jan

    Like Susie and the others have said, we have pretty much all been there. Heck Barney and I were just there not too long ago. Okay stop reading now if you are in a bad frame of mind, because my comment might be a tad different...
    ***
    You are right, your husband isn't a stupid man, and he knew what he was doing and admitted he was wrong, ( that takes a very BRAVE man to be honest). Have you never once since starting ttwd done something wrong? We are all human. We all mess up. We all send signals to our spouses that we don't realize. Why? Because of how they interpret them.

    Time and time again I have thought Barney's actions or inaction has been more malicious than he has ever intended. He has had a habit in the past to bury his head in the sand when a SIGNIFICANT issue has arisen between the two of us. Sure the " you are getting punished for spending X amount of dollars' (example) was there, because it is emotionless and concrete, but when I felt *I* really needed him, he lost the plot. OR so I thought. He just talked himself out of it. You know why? Because all the crap life has thrown at me in the past 9 months ( on LORDY there has been a truckload I can assure you) it has also thrown at him! Imagine that? HE has feelings and insecurities too?

    I want to ask you a question, based on my own personal experience and that of several friends of mine, is it possible that it isn't trivial for him, but that perhaps maybe your needs have changed? Perhaps now you require more depth to ttwd? It can happen you know. Many of morph, and evolve, yet without communication the other might not know, especially if you are the 'sub' ( I know you hate that word, but I can't think of another to use here) in this dynamic.

    Try and put yourself in his shoes when you look at this situation, which I understand is difficult when you feel so hurt and vulnerable. By taking spanking off of the table, you could be sending the message to your husband not that you are afraid of being hurt, embarrassed, or vulnerable, but that you cannot forgive him for his mistake, and that he does not deserve a second chance in the matter. Essentially, stripping him of all confidence he might still have left. Trust me when I say, that no one could probably beat himself up more than he is right now. I know Barney hates that he has added to my hurt. I have to try to remember, he started out unintentionally hurting me, even if he continued with his actions afterward, while me shutting down is actually intentionally hurting him on my part.

    None of the above may apply to you Jan. I just felt that maybe if it did, I should share.

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    1. Hi Willie, of course I have done things wrong along the way and freely admit it. I am not playing the blame game here either. We have talked today and I am not blaming him for anything . I just feel that what happened gave me to believe that our attitudes towards ttwd simply are not the same. Neither of us is into the dd side of things and I have not changed along the way. We have always used this as a tool towards more joy and togetherness in our lives. Last weeks mistakes led to the great divide, he admits he didn't handle things right and would like to go back to how we were . I am struggling with it at the moment as I turned to him at a time I was quite simply not coping and felt he pulled away not in. I feel more like a nuisance, like you say he has stuff to deal with as well.he doesn't need a whinging wife to deal with too. The major stuff we are dealing with does affect him but in a lesser way as most of it is mine to sort and a lot of ts unsortable! I do see his point of view, I have already forgiven him his mistakes, of course I have, our love is rock steady. He knows that, I still don't feel I want to put myself put there for spanking just yet. I need to get my equilibrium back first. Hope you are well
      love Jan,xx

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  17. Jack and Meredith's blog is the best he could read.

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    1. Hi Leah, he has been enjoying your photos that is for sure :)
      love Jan,xx

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  18. Jan, sometimes our life partners get it wrong and yes we do forgive them, but this is not the issue your feeling vulnerable and unsure, possibly thinking you should not want to be spanked and that he may see you has too needy, stupid even. Your love for each other is strong, your marriage is solid, but in all marriages each partner will fail to meet the others needs occasionally and usually feels guilty about this quite quickly but does not resolve it as equally quickly. Love and marriage makes us vulnerable, ttwd makes us feel vulnerable particular if you feel your partner has a different view of it to you. Tell him your real feelings/fears about ttwd you may be surprised about the answers you get back. Been doing this along time, been where you are over spanking, took it off the table and put it back again. We do hold back thinking they are mind readers which their not which we know, but some reason we think we are! Hope all is good for you soon.

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    1. Hi there,thanks very much for your comments. Things are improving, we are talking more. I am hopeful that things will be fine soon.
      love Jan,xx

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  19. Jan I have been away for a week so just catching up on everyone's blogs. I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. I used to sit my girls down with a cup of tea when we had problems. Wish I could do the same for you as many a problem is fixed over a cuppa. Have you thought about writing your husband a letter explaining how you are feeling about this situation. Sometimes just getting it off your chest helps even if he doesn't read it. Hope things improve and you are back to the happy couple again. Glad your grandbaby is doing well.
    HUGS Lindy x

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    1. Hi Lindy, it's Monday here and today is a good day. Things are much better, we had a day talking yesterday and then a lovely meal out in a cosy pub. We are nearly there. Hope you had a nice week away
      love Jan,xx

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