Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Talking, talking and.....Spanking ;)


Hello everyone,

I would like to start off this post with the biggest Thank you to all of you. When I wrote my whiny post I didn't envisage the mountains of support I would receive both on the blog and in private. I can honestly say I was overwhelmed and so grateful. Most of you it appears have encountered a blip similar to ours at some time. We are all so lucky to have each other to talk to. Not for the first time have I wished some of you were living just around the corner not halfway across the world.




We have talked and talked about things, hubby has read the post and all the comments. He said he was glad I had such support, as soon as we started our discussions I knew he was aiming to put things right. He has apologized, more than once and we have both tried to ask for what we want out of ttwd.
Basically we both want what we had, our desires haven't changed. One blogger suggested maybe I wanted more from ttwd but actually I don't, that is one thing I am sure of. What we had was plenty fine. :)

I wondered if maybe I was too sensitive to his comments but John has said no.
 I don't think he realized how I would take his comments. In hindsight he made a mistake that I took the wrong way. In the light of how much we are dealing with in our real life I think we were both too stressed to focus on each other as we generally do.


Moving on to the future we decided to tell each other exactly what we wanted the future to look like and see where we could go from here.
This was much harder to do than apologizing to each other as neither of us wanted to risk upsetting the other!!

My requests

I wanted John to let me know what more I could do for him.
I also would like more emotional support whilst I am dealing with the outside rubbish, whether it is by word, cuddles or spanking!
I sometimes feel isolated  and need to know that he has my back. ( Inside I know he has but I sometimes need to hear it)

His requests

That I do less for him, he reckons I cosset him enough!!( I am not sure I agree with this one)
That I develop the ability to say no to some outside stuff or at least say no when he tells me to!
Spanking.  He said whatever I think he does not want to stop this,  it may have started out as my kink but now it is his too and it is not stopping.

Obviously there was a lot more to this but  you get the drift.....

Asking for more was hard and I will admit I was a bit weepy throughout the conversation. On the whole  neither of us was very demanding, we aren't going to change the world. The spanking issue I didn't argue with but I must admit I felt very apprehensive about it all.

Discussions over for the time being, John took me to a lovely country pub for a traditional English Sunday Roast, over which we talked a bit more. I think doing something nice and normal together helped a lot.

The next day hubby decided to try a spanking, I think we were both a bit tentative. I wondered if it would be a punishment for the drama queen stuff but no it was simply  a spanking because he could, and all the way through he told me how much he liked spanking me and how pink had become his favourite colour.



 There was plenty of stroking and lots of loving. He used his belt just at the end, the toy box remained closed and chatting afterwards he admitted he was a bit scared to push it and get the implements out. I have assured him that I am fine with whatever he wants to use ( sort of, the wooden stuff could stay at the bottom of the pile for a bit ;)

We both feel better about everything and I am hoping we will not let things go this far off track again. No , never again do I want to upset him or be upset by him. Ttwd is hopefully here to stay.


The next morning was my regular day for slimming club and I realized that hubby was back to normal when as we lay in bed chatting  hubby suddenly leaned over with a mischievous grin on his face and said,

"If you don't lose weight today you are getting a spanking, no staying the same either, you have to lose!"

"What!! You took me out to dinner, I had dessert and alcohol!! I'll never lose today""

"Lucky  for me then, I am incentivising you, this is how it's going to be from now on, I am keeping an eye on things!" he replied laughing. ( I know there is no such word but I am quoting here)

Dil arrived, we are struggling with the weight loss thing together, and as we toddled off through the door  a couple of hours later he said

"Don't forget what I said, better take some of those clothes off before you get on the scales"

We both giggled as dil glumly said "I better be naked then ".




On returning I was so smug as I had lost half a pound, ( yes I know it was pathetic but it was  a loss, )
He was so disappointed, the look on his face was priceless. Later that day when I was teasing him about it he said he was going to spank me for causing him to be so disappointed!! He reckons he is on to a winner either way. Normal fun and games resumed!!!

I am hopeful that things will get even better, hubby is calling our life a work in progress, he has said that we are rebuilding and  I think we are using stronger bricks .





I hope that everyone who has suffered or is suffering from their own blips and hiccups can find a way through them. I  think lots of couples feel differently about ttwd and between each couple there has to be give and take. I just hope  as couples we can all find a measure of happiness and find a path we can travel together.

Much Love

                 Jan,xx









31 comments:

  1. Oh Jan, this made me smile. I am so happy to read this. I think most of us go through blips, but it's how we deal with it that counts, You two handled it perfectly, I'm so glad you were able to talk things through and even better, discuss what each of you want going forward. Good on you! Those conversations aren't easy at all.

    I love that you went out to dinner afterwards to enjoy a lovely meal and each others company. John's comments the following day and being disappointed at the weight loss cracked me up. Sounds like it ended a win/win for both of you :)

    Hugs
    Roz

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    1. Hi Roz, Things are much better, I am hoping we can continue on like this for a good long while
      love Jan,xx

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  2. A wonderful post, that has me smiling. None of us is perfect....and life has a way of letting us know that...but in the 'end' you both handled this as two loving people should. Love that hubby find a way for your weigh in to be a win/win for him.
    hugs abby

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    1. hi Abby, I am definitely not perfect. he made me laugh about the weigh in. I am never going to win there!! lol
      love Jan,xx

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  3. This is what we all want - the talking, the teasing, the ability to take a deep breath because we back where we should be. I'm very happy for you both - those conversations are very hard, you should both be commended.

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    1. Hi PK, I really really wish that you and Nick could get to this place too. The talking was hard, I didn't want to come across as too needy and clingy but knew I needed to be honest.
      love Jan,xx

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  4. Oh Jan, yeah I am so happy to read this post. Had me smiling and John's comment about being disappointed re weight loss really mad me laugh. P would say something like that. I am happy for you both.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie, he definitely didn't expect me to lose weight, the look on his face, he was like a disappointed child!! Mind you I thought it was a miracle too, I feel like I have eaten for England this week. Thanks for all your support
      love Jan,xx

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  5. Jan, I am so happy you and John have opened up and talked about everything. Lovely way to finish the day with a meal out. John is cheeky spanking you no matter whether you lost weight or not but as the others said it is a win/win situation. Enjoy!
    Lindy x

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    1. Hi Lindy thanks a lot. I think he seized the opportunity, but in a fun way! Bless him
      love Jan,xx

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  6. BIG SMILES from Across the Pond! Your last post had some tears falling here, but this morning I am all smiles for you. It was wonderful that John would read your post and the comments. That is a big step. He is right, too. Once you have really lived a ttwd relationship, you would never want to go back. So happy for you, Jan! That's what the "Ever After" is for.

    Ella Ever After

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    1. Hi Ella, I am glad to be the cause of smiles and not depressing everyone today. He doesn't usually read any of it but I think he did it in order to get a better understanding of me and my friends! I don't think we would ever go back, you are right, let's hope it's ever after for all of us
      love Jan,xx

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  7. There's a great big smile on my face and this post put it there. So happy for you,

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    1. Hi Sunny, there's one on my face too as I have just put your new book on my kindle!! Thanks
      love Jan,xx

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  8. Jan,
    So hppy for you! I, too, am smiling and I just knew the two of you could handle this bump. Good for you!
    Meredith

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    1. Hi Meredith, thank you very much, I think we will be alright for a good while now. We rarely disagree on much so hopefully this is it for a bit!
      love Jan,xx

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  9. Hi Jan,

    I am so happy reading this post! I'm glad you've talked and listened to each other. Sounds like things are getting back to normal (or better than normal) over there. Your husband sounds like a sweetheart.

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    1. Hi Casey, oh wise little wife. You are so right , he is a sweetheart, very kind and oh yes, all mine :). I think you and Nina always make me feel like we started all this a long time later than we should have. I must admit Mr McKay sounds as sweet as mine when I read your blog.
      love Jan,xx

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    2. Btw I forgot to say I really loved Cherised!! xx

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  10. Good for you. Happy for you both.

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  11. Hi Jan, I am so happy for you and John, and I love that you have cleaned the slate, so that both of you are in a good place again. It sounds so much like harmony and love again between the two of you, and this is so wonderful. You have been so sad in your last post, and just reading these good news from you will make the night a good one (it is after midnight here, I am pretty busy during the day at the moment).
    I think that all requests that you and John have are lovely, and they show a lot of how adorably you focus on each other. I love this, it is plain beautiful. Haha, but the ‘do more/ do less for each other’ request made me giggle. Sounds like there is a conflict that could be solved by a spanking …. :) Well, caring so much for each other only deserves good girl spankings. Just saying. And when it comes to saying no you really should listen to your husband, he really does care a lot and wants you to be happy I’d say. However I also know how difficult that saying no business can be. I am not good at that either.

    I am glad that you had such a great time together afterwards, but first a good meal and the following day the lose weight rule, is not nice, maybe. But it was funny and you both won there.
    I am so happy that things are so much better again and what you wrote showed so much love and understanding that I keep smiling. :) It is awesome that dil has recovered so nicely, and I hope that grandbaby is doing fine. Thank you for these wonderful news.

    hugs and love

    Nina

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    1. Hi Nina, sweetie after midnight? you should be in bed!! I hope everything is okay with you and that your sister is doing well now. Things are so much better now thankfully. We are aiming to keep it this way and I am aiming to lose weight again this week!!
      hugs to Tilda
      love Jan,xxx

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  12. I am so glad you were both able to communicate your feelings and work through this together. I am truly happy for you. And the story about the weigh in made me smile. Love and hugs, Terps

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    1. Hi Terps, thanks a lot. I hope things are going well for you and yours too. I hope your son is getting on okay too
      love Jan,xx

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  13. I think everyone goes through the slough of despond every now and again. It is human nature. I am glad everything is now resolved for the better. Just you go hug that lovely grandbaby of yours when you feel despondent again!

    Many hugs
    Ami

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    1. Hi Ami, we are just generally having a hard time I think and it seeped into ttwd instead of ttwd being our defence from the crap!!. We are dealing with stuff a bit better at the minute
      love to Dan,
      Jan,xx

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  14. Hey Jan...I have been away from blogland for the last two weeks so had to go back and read your previous post to see what's been going on. So happy you and John have straightened out your misunderstanding. Ya know, so many misunderstandings could be avoided with more communication...hint, hint. ;) Sending lots of prayers and positive energy that all the stuff you are dealing with gets resolved soon.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

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    1. Hi Cat, I hope you had a lovely holiday. Things are much better now for us. The outside stuff not so much but that is not really sortable, just time there I think,
      Glad you are back
      love Jan,xx

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