Tuesday, 23 February 2016

A Spanking A Day.......


Hello everyone,

This post is merely an expression of my joys and woes. please feel free to come back on a more entertaining day. I am sure there will be one eventually.

Now I am not a pessimist ( truly, my cup is plenty full) but really is there no point at which life suddenly becomes a jolly nice adventure instead of an endurance race? I swear I am getting too old for the bad bits.

For the past forty years ( yes I did say that and I bet some of you aren't even that old :), I have been caring for a bonkers parent. She has so many mental issues that if I wrote it all down you would think I was the bonkers one. Hmm....

Her health has deteriorated to the stage that she needs to be in a nursing home. I am on the verge of a breakthrough, I have found a lovely one prepared to take her on and She is nearly prepared to go. I do have a plus, sort of, because today I found out that I have to go in Hospital next week for a big old operation :( and without me she cannot stay where she is, living in abject misery.


I am a struggling, wobbly mess...




However I do have a secret weapon in my life and he has worked out a way to help me through each day.




His trusty method varies.....
Sometimes it is




Sometimes it is


Yummy!
and very often it is just the most perfect




All our spankings at the moment are for fun, there is a bit of do as you are told there but I have giggled at least once a day!!




Hubby has stepped up just when I need him too, He is not letting me get away with much and is keeping a tight control over my interactions with my mother. Several times he has removed me from the situation, and I feel so grateful that we brought ttwd into our lives, as it has given him a way to  lead and a way for me to follow.

He is determined that after my hysterectomy I am not returning to the situation as it is. He is retiring and we are determined to focus that on each other.

 I feel guilty, which is my mother's greatest aim actually. Her skill at emotional blackmail and control would win medals at the Olympics if it were an event.  I am hoping that the staff at the nursing home will be able to get through to  her. At least she will be cared for day and  night, I have my fingers crossed for some happiness for her.


On a very nice note son number two has asked his dad to be his best man. Aw, He said some really lovely things to his dad and this is an event we are all looking forward to even though it is a way off yet.

Maybe life is good after all. :)

And Grandbaby said da da da today. Yay!!

Hope you are all having a good week,
much love 
    Jan, xxx

36 comments:

  1. Jan, it looks like your surgery is a blessing in disguise. She needs to be in full time care by someone else at this point from what you've written. God bless you for taking care of her for this long. I know it's been difficult and this decision is a hard one, but it sounds like you are on the right path. And so many good things!! A hubby who steps up, a grandbaby who is healthy and growing, and a son that loves his family. Hugs to you, my dear! xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Maggie, You are right, she is so blinking uncooperative though and up till now officialdom say she can refuse help if she likes. Slightly different if I am off the scene I am hoping. Everything else is good, family, baby, husband...
      Hope all is well with you
      love Jan, xx

      Delete
  2. Hi Jan, :) Oh I am so so glad that you have your man there at your side, and also at your bottom, bringing you good cheer when you need it the most! Not only that, but he is taking over, so to speak, so that you can get some relief from the situation with your mom. Good for him! Great for you! Oh how wonderful TTWD can be during tough and trying times! More than that, how wonderful to have such love and TTWD, right?

    I hope that your Mum moves smoothly into the care home. I also hope that your surgery is easy on you, and that you are feeling better in no time! I have been thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers!

    How sweet that your grand is now speaking! What is it with that anyway? Never mamamama first! Or even grandmamamama! LOL! How wonderful and loving of your son to invite his dad to fill that special role at his wedding. Sounds like you have raised some fine men! Feel good! Many hugs and love,

    <3 Katie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Katie, ttwd is the best thing ever! I will be glad when mum has gone in, it will be getting her to stay there that will be the hard part.
      Son was very smug as he relayed the first word, dil not so much. lol
      Son number two is an absolutely lovely man (I am biased of course),
      Love Jan,xx

      Delete
  3. Jan,
    That is the sweetest post ever. Your sweet guy sounds so much like my Jack. Keeping me squared away even if it means through my backside is so important. And the icing on the cake is the baby's first word. Sweet happiness to you,
    Meredith

    ReplyDelete
  4. Jan, Great big hugs to you! You are going through some heavy duty transitions in your life but they are not all bad and as you noted, they bring out some really good times. Amy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Amy, hope you are okay. I know it is just life really but sometimes it is blooming difficult
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  5. What tough time for you and I'm sure you're making the best decisions for your mum. Glad John is keeping you focused with some spankings!
    Good luck with the op. Let someone take care of you now.
    hugs
    DF

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi DF, to be honest I am not worried about the op, after all it is a break form Mother and an end to the cancer scare, all good news! Hope fully he will be retired soon after and we can just have a fun time
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  6. Oh Jan,

    I know how difficult and hard it must be for you so I hope your mother's move goes smoothly.

    How wonderful TTWD is.

    Hope your Op goes well. I will be thinking of you next week.

    Love and hugs,
    Ronnie
    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ronnie, My brother and I are determined that she is going somehow. I would have sunk without trace without John and his attentions! Thanks, It is Thursday hopefully
      love Jan, xx

      Delete
  7. When the going gets tough, the tough get ttwd. That hubby of yours is a wise one, not letting you be pulled apart by someone who is manipulating you emotionally.

    Time to focus on your health and well being. For many this operation makes a world of difference to how they feel. All our good wishes will be with you, sweet Jan.

    Hugs Across the Pond,
    Ella

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ella, he is the best husband ever, I would be lost without him! I think once the op is over I will be fine, thanks Ella
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  8. Jan - Terrific news about your son/dad and the baby saying his first words. Glad your hubby has you and is keeping you safe. Fingers crossed for a quick recovery from your hissie.

    As for your mother - whether she is happy or not in the new surroundings is up to her - not you. You've done the best you could - there is no need for guilt. This might be the best thing for her, mentally as well as physically.
    Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sunny, Thank so much. you know exactly the right thing to say to make me feel better
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  9. What I enjoyed about your post is that you have a place to vent, and friends who will encourage you through the difficulties. Many of us have the difficulty with aging parents, but you have had this problem for a long time. Your surgery is more important, so good fortune with that, and a small blessing in that your mother MUST move to full-time care.
    Terrific news about your son number two, the grandbaby, and a loving husband. TTWD is done with love, and helps focus one's thoughts on the most important things in your life, specially the good parts to be thankful for.
    love and bottoms up
    Red

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Red. I am sure that my venting doesn't make for a fun read but I must admit I feel so lucky to have all these friends out here in Blogland. Hopefully I will be able to get back to some more fun filled exploits soon
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  10. Oh Jan, I am so sorry that you have to undergo surgery and hope so much that you will be well again really quickly. Hugs and hugs. :) I think you almost always showed that you have a wonderfully positive way – which is awesome – and it makes me sad when there are those things like this operation happening. Ew. However it is good news that there is a nursing home for your mom, and I am sorry that your mother manages to create guilt in you. Sorry to say it, but that sucks! She should not do so, and I seriously hope that you can brush this feeling of guilt away whenever you notice that she has done it again.

    But I am happy that you do have these secret weapons to help when you are struggling. I like both of them, laughter and ttwd, maybe because they have the same effect on me they have on you. :)
    I love your good news. That your son number two chose his dad as best man is awesome, just like Grandbaby saying da da da (this is soo cute!). :) Thinking of you and wishing you a good week too.

    hugs and love

    Nina

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Darling girl, I am fine really, it will soon be over. I am not so worried about the operation, more about mum. I am going to tell her today about the operation. Dil is coming with me as I know mum will behave better if someone else is with me! Hubby is great, he has been super all the time we have been married, it must be horrid for him dealing with my mum as well as me, lol.
      Grandbaby is coming again this weekend and is staying overnight with me, I am so excited. I hope all is well with your babies, hugs to them both
      much love Jan,xx

      Delete
  11. Jan, I hope that the operation goes well and I am sending what healing energy I can spare. It looks like this may be a blessing in disguise and will allow both you and your mum to settle into a new life with dignity.
    Be happy,be well

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Don, that is very kind of you as I think you need it more than me right now! I hope you are getting there, just a little blip in the grand scheme of things, these operations. Love Jan,xx

      Delete
  12. Wonderful news about hubby your son's wedding,,,and that grandbaby starting to be vocal. I love that your hubby is stepping up and knowing what you need. Prayers and lots of healing thoughts for you and the surgery. And as for your mom....she will be well taken care of, and it is time for you to think about YOU...
    hugs abby

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Abby, thanks a lot. Hubby is fab, mum is a pain, son is the best I could ever have imagined producing!
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  13. Jan, its so good to hear John has stepped up to protect you in all this. Thank goodness for TTWD and how it brings your laughter. Laughter is the best medicine.
    Hopefully once you mum is in the nursing home they will realise how she behaves and keep her there.

    Great news on your little grandbaby saying da da da. Not fair on her mummy who is with her all day everyday but guess all babies start there.
    Wonderful news on your sons upcoming wedding and asking John to be best man.
    Give yourself a few pamper days between now and next Thursday. Go for a massage/manicure/hair appointment. Anything just to have YOU days.

    Good luck, my thoughts are with you. Sending positive healing vibes your way.

    Hugs Lindy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Lindy, thanks for all your support, I am very grateful. I am spending some time with dil to be today, I love her to bits and we are going to have a girly afternoon. Tomorrow is her birthday and we are out with her and her mum and stepdad at the weekend.
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  14. Oh Jan I am sorry you are dealing with so much at this time! I will be thinking about you and the surgery you are having! There are so many wonderful things you enjoy in your life! Grand baby, new marriage and wonderful children, spouse and one soon to be!
    I am so glad that your darling is there for you! TTWD is great!
    I agree with Sunny that your mom will need to decide on her happiness!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Minelle, Thanks for the sympathy. I actually feel like a weight has been lifted , knowing it is all going ahead, No more cancer scares and a break from mum and her dramas. All good I reckon. Add a bit of ttwd and life is fine
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  15. Sorry to be so late to the party, Jan. Tying to catch up in blogland and am not reading all the responses so I apologize if I repeat someone. One of my ex SIL had health issues and a very mean and manipulative personality. She lived with her mother and made that sweet woman's life miserable. My other ex SILs finally had enough and managed to check her into a nursing home. She receives excellent care but can't manipulate her mother they way should could. The main thing we had to work on was the manipulative phone calls..."they're being so mean to me", "they're trying to starve me", "you don't love me", "you're happy to be rid of me", etc. Your mother will be fine and you definitely deserve some peace and a lovely retirement with your hubby. So very happy he is stepping up. Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way.

    Hugs and blessings...Cat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Cat, oh your poor family. I recognize those responses. her latest is I know you don't want to see me anymore. I told her yesterday when the surgery was and she is already saying she will only go into care for a month!
      I know John's retirement is probably what is making me feel this way but I am worn out with the control stuff. It is raining calamities over here, yesterday my brother lost his job after 29 years. I think he is having a worse time than me as he will be lumbered with her for a bit now on top of that news! HOpe all is well with you
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  16. Dear Jan,
    I am so glad that John is there for you every step of the way, supporting you during difficult times. I hope that your surgery went well and that you are healing well and wish your mother's move goes smoothly. I am sorry that life is so challenging at the moment. So sweet about your son and grandbaby. :-) thinking of you and sending great big hugs your way.
    Love,
    Terps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Terps,The surgery is on Thursday, mum has moved, not smoothly but she is in there! Hope you and yours are all well
      love Jan, xx

      Delete
    2. I will be sending you positive healing energy on Thursday then! Hugs :-)

      Delete
  17. Let's hope Safari is more cooperative at publishing my comment than Chrome...
    Dear Jan, I hope your surgery went well,a and wish you all the best for speedy recovery and better days ahead. As to "bonkers" parents... I have had me some of those, too. Especially when it came to dealing with emotional blackmail, I found Susan Forward (what a great name for a psychologist)'s "Toxic Parents" life changing reading material. For the better in case that wasn't clear... ;)
    xxx Willow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HI Willow, Oh I will look for that book, I need all the help I can get!!lol
      love Jan,xx

      Delete
  18. And this one, in case you don't know that one yet... http://www.funnyism.com/i/funnypics/48992

    ReplyDelete